A Journey

I am trying desperately to forget your name. How can I remove your face from my memory banks? How do I purge the thoughts I have of you? Here, let me write them down, get them out, and at once be done with you...

Alas, this act is futile. By putting you into writing, my art, I am immortalizing you. I am allowing the thoughts of you and me to linger in another place. You conquered my heart, my mind, yet you thirst for more territory? Fine, take for your own this one-dimensional space that you're wasting. You already fill every part of my body; why not occupy this page, too?

With every heart-felt verse I read, there is increasing, sharp pressure on my heart. The pain of a love lost. You pierce me internally, and instead of running crimson, a vision of who we were flows from my fresh wounds. The noxious memory trickles out and wreaks havoc on my soul. From within, you destroy me. Visible rivers flow right before my very eyes.

I dream of you. In my dreams, you are happy. You are in love, and I am bitter. As effervescent as these chimeras are, they haunt me in my waking hours because they are not far from the truth. In reality, you are happy. You are in love, and I am bitter.

These thoughts are for nothing. I am not a part of you in the way that you are a part of me. You do not think of me, and if you do, it is with disdain that you remember me. In truth, I often hate you, but there is a part of me that recalls how you were, not who you became, who you really are.

I miss the man who loved me with the same fierce intensity with which I loved him. I long for the one who cradled me in his arms and made me feel safe with just one deep kiss. Without warning, you swallowed me, and I happily collapsed into you. Without warning, you changed. Without warning, I changed. In finding you, a boy who didn't know who he truly was and who posed as another, I lost myself. The man I love and loved was just a figment of my imagination; he never existed. With unclouded eyes, I see this.

Once, I had a dream in which I told you these words, so I must believe them to be true: I do not love you anymore.